"Last night I had a discussion with a friend and it led me to this note. It is easy to get up and put on a show like all is well and make people feel like you are so strong. When truly inside you are crumbling and falling apart. I say this because some of us do not ask for help when we need it. Not necessarily help from family and friends, but help from God! He should be the first place we turn. But after you ask for help you have to trust Him. Trust Him with all your heart and all your soul and know that He will carry you through. I will be the first to admit that I did not always do this myself.
Those of you who know and follow me, know what I would say is some of my story. You know the last year and a half has not been an easy road for me with facing and overcoming a battle with Breast Cancer. But the last 9 years of my life had been quite challenging and I was not always so Faithful. God had been trying to get my attention for a long time. For a long time I tried to figure out what my purpose was. I remember reading "The Purpose Driven Life," by Rick Warren one year from cover to cover and still, after reading being very frustrated in trying to find a purpose.
Well God will reveal His plan and will for your life in His time. And not a moment before. It is now after a long road of several health challenges that I see clearly my purpose and am greatful that God spared me my life to do His will.
In 2002 I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. I suffered from Grand Mal seizures and I suffered silently. Those close to me knew what was going on but I did not really speak about it and I think those few years were the most terrifying and fearful years of my life. Two of the worst seizures I suffered, was on on a plane to Vegas one time. Two back to back, they called for paramedics to meet the plane when we landed but I just wanted to go home and curl up and skip all the excitement. I was truly afraid, I did not walk with the Faith I walk with today. I lived alone at the time and I remember thinking would someone find me days later if something happened to me. Not because I was not a believer and not because I did not go to church. But, it took time for me to develop the relationship I have today with God. My eyes had to be opened and when I look back now I realize that back then I was just attending church not even sure if I was hearing the message while sitting there some Sundays. During that time, doctors had me believing I would never work again, drive again, or have kids.
Against all doctor's orders I decided that after talking to God I was going to come off medication in 2004. God showed me that I was going to be fine and that I would work and that I would drive and that I would have children and I did. But at the same time I was fearful throughout that entire journey even though I believed. I believed only the report of the Lord.
Well in 2005, after going through a myommectomy and 5 1/2 hour reconstructive surgery for what the doctors and specialists called "the worst case of uterine fibroids they had seen in over 20 years", I had a beautiful baby boy Zachary Ali Nelson, whom I drove to day care, and theme parks and all over the city despite being told neither would happen for me. My uterus and fallopian tubes had to be totally reconstructed but My Zachary was destined from God. Not only did I return to work but I graduated with my MBA from Nova Southeastern University while working full-time.
I had no idea that my biggest challenge would come in 2009. I went to do a routine mammogram December 2, 2008. I felt pain in my right side to the point where I could not sleep on that side at night. I remember everyone telling me you have nothing to worry about. If you feel pain it probably is not cancer. It is more likely to be a cyst. Well I did the exam then headed for a long needed vacation in Jamaica to see family. The pain subsided and a few weeks went by. I was wondering where is my test result. My friends told me "No news is good news, trust me if something were wrong they would call you."
Well in April 2009 I got my usual ear infection. I suffered from them all the time so I knew I just needed to call the doctor to get some anitbiotics. Thank God this was not one of those times I decided to self-treat my ear infection with drops of warm olive oil and a little minced garlic. But for some reason this time it was really severe so I decided to call the doctor. I called and set an appointment to go in for meds. Right before I hung up I said by the way I have not gotten my mammogram results yet. Can you check my file and tell me if you have them. The receptionist put me on hold for about a minute and came back and said "Oh yeah the doctor needs to see you right away." My heart sank to my toes. I thought to myself, "What did she just say?" This cannot be. One thing I can say, an ear infection saved my life.
Needless to say that after a whirlwind of tests, biopsies, scans etc. I was not diagnosed until July 2009. I will never forget that Friday afternoon I got the diagnosis of Stage III Breast Cancer. By this time it had spread to the lymph nodes. When I finally met my oncologist I asked her, "In your professional opinion, was there a lot of change in this tumor from December til now." Her reply, "Yes, your cancer is very aggressive and it spread quickly, the next step it would have been in the blood, we are catching it just in time."
I must admit that in the first 5 minutes of the doctor saying the words "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you have cancer." My life flashed before my eyes and the first emotion I felt was guilt. I thought to myself. How could I do this to Zachary? I waited so long to have him and I felt like I was letting him down because how could I get cancer. What does that mean, does that mean I won't be there for him, I won't see him graduate, get married, have kids? What about the other child I want to have? After consulting with a fertility specialist, I tried to freeze my eggs. I had one week before they wanted to start chemo and only three eggs matured. Both the fertility specialist and the oncologist agreed it was not worth it to put off chemo any further. I was crushed but God told me to listen to my doctors and all will be well. I still thought that if I had found out in December or January I would have had more time to save my eggs. We will wait on God to see how the future children thing plays out.
It was as if God was standing beside me the entire time as the doctor spoke to me. He had one hand on my shoulder the entire time. I was not afraid and from that moment I knew I would be ok. I got over the guilt and shock in 5 minutes and I decided to put on my armour and get ready for the battle ahead. Within one week I was in surgery for them to install my port for chemo. The rest is history. My life had changed in the blink of an eye. I decided that I was going to wear a smile, be positive and get ready for the healing that lied ahead for me because I knew that by His stripes I was already healed. My family and friends and Zach were my rock and provided a stong support system for me.
As I prepared for the battle of my life, this time I noticed that unlike all the other times I had health challenges, this time I did not have fear. I tell everyone that this was a challenging journey but at no time was it a fearful one.
God had my back every step of the way and I was just carrying out a plan and following the path that He laid out for me. Which brings me to now. Healed and forever changed, I decided to put all my trust in God and God alone. No doctors, no man can tell me any different. I am walking in and with God's footsteps.
I will be the first to admit that though physically I am healed, mentally I am still healing as masectomy can do a lot to a woman's emotional state. I have good and bad days like anyone else. I am a work in progress, But with God, I know I will persevere. He is using me right now and unlike other times in the past where I kept things quiet and to myself I am obligated to share my story and show people that God is real as I am a living testimony. I feel like shouting all He has done for me from the mountain tops.
I may not know every verse in the Bible and perhaps He uses me because I can deliver His message in layman's terms. What ever the case, just know that without a test you cannot have a testimony. If God brings you to that test or challege, He will also bring you through it. Don't be afraid to ask for His help and don't sit and suffer in silence. Just know that darkest times are when you will need to have the most faith. Never give up and never waiver in your faith. Open up your heart to God, because He loves you and put Him first in all you do. Thanks for listening.
Love,
Drea
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